At the Break of Dawn

September 19, 2019

Going to bed with a smile on my face and no ounce of guilt in my heart is starting to be my new routine. Waking up to see the sun shine through my window is something I’m starting to look forward to. Witnessing the goodness of Jesus in my life is what I’m starting to get used to.

It’s daybreak in my life. Night time is over. 

I went in full of despair, drowned in my guilt and shame. Anxiety used to wake me up in the middle of the night and fear accompanied me with a promise of a wasted life. In hopelessness I tried to run. I tried to escape. I tried to quit. But everywhere I looked, there was nothing but pain, fear and uncertainty. 

It was through this mess I’ve made of my life that I heard Jesus’ invite for me to let go and trust in Him. And I did.

It was in this ditch I dug for myself that I saw Jesus’ hand reaching out to me. His face has not a hint of surprise or disappointment but just mercy and full of love. 

And I ran to Him for safety, nothing but a broken heart filled with holes.

“Not enough,” I told myself. But Jesus’ voice broke through my prison saying, “Perfect.”

And the angels start singing, “who the Son sets free, oh he’s free indeed”

Really, I don’t deserve anything I have right now. I know what the world requires of me and what I demand of myself. 

“I’m a child of God, yes I am.”

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