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Hello, my friends. I have a lot in my mind right now and I’m putting more effort than I normally would to articulate them in a way for you to see, clearly, where I’m coming from. Oh, but that is troublesome. Instead, I’m going to hand you my heart on a platter.
I’m done with school (for now). I’m on chill mode for the next 6 months. But, then, my hyper-active imagination started calculating the hours and all the possibilities I could squeeze in before I start school again in September. I’ve come up with a list of things to study. And it’s a long one. I have 6 Udacity courses lined up. Each one’s 6 months long which I, interestingly, did not factor in. That alone is reason enough why I’ve been feeling anxious and overwhelmed. And to think, I almost blamed it on my Estrogen levels and all sorts of hormonal imbalance.
The truth is, it’s a shame to admit that. I’m a Christian and we’re known to defy the laws of science. And, to be honest, the fact that I was embarrassed by that admission means I’ve been measuring myself up against some unspoken standard of living that I know too well. The kind of standard I’ve battered myself with for so long. I’ve lived that life before. I could question myself and find an explanation how I got myself in this ditch, again. But, really. If I learned anything in the last couple years of my life, it’s that Jesus is the answer. Literally.
To expand on that, and this is just some of what I’ve learned from several months of listening to Pastor Prince’s audio sermons, when Jesus said He is the Bread of life; bread is meant to satisfy hunger, right?
When I was gathering up all the lessons I would be learning during this break, it was all so I could get better skills and eventually have a better job. Then, what? So, my family could buy a beautiful house and we could live comfortably. So, we never have to face financial issues anymore and will have more than enough to give away. Then, what? So, at the end of my life, I could say that I’ve really lived it. Ultimately, so I get satisfied or content. Or, just live a happy life – the kind of happy that means joy, contentment, satisfaction – and die in peace. Really, that’s what everyone wants deep down. Going back, so, when Jesus said He is the Bread of life and that whoever drinks the water He gives, will never thirst again – He meant it. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn’t solve our problems. It is when we put our faith in Him that miracles happen. And there is only one way to have faith and more of it, by hearing (reading the bible in order to find Him, listening to sermons that glorify Him and His sacrifice on the Cross, reading books that magnify Him rather than man’s incompetence) and hearing the Word of CHRIST.
Note: In the original greek, Romans 10:17 says Word of CHRIST. So, hear! Hear about Christ! Even the most accomplished Christians cannot get enough of Jesus, there is so much to hear!
Back to this post. Maybe it was the pressure I was putting myself through. Maybe it was the hormonal change females go through every month. Heck, maybe it was something so insignificant I don’t even remember. The one solution that stays the same forever is my Jesus. And knowing full well that: He loves me through my ups and downs; that He’s not disappointed in me even if I am; that He cares for me, still, and continues to lead me through, I’m getting back up again.