Rising Up

January 10, 2019

Dear blog. Today has been one of my most productive days this year, so far. I know it’s only been 10 days since the year started but I had been very passive the last few months. More than usual and it bothered me on the inside. Everyday I just did my obligations without giving a thought to anything. Going wherever the flow took me.

Yesterday, I thought about everything. Where my life is heading and everything else. There are so many things I burden my mind with, circumstances and consequences of my own actions to name a few.

I’m just human, is always my excuse. But enough is enough. I don’t wanna be a coward anymore and when things get tough, I don’t wanna run away from reality anymore and indulge in escapism. I’ve done this so many times, not facing the challenges but finding other things to get my mind off of what is really going on. In the process, I have hurt many people.

I have long quit blaming myself because that leads to the dark world. But I’m still on a journey to becoming a better version of myself. It’s not an easy process but I don’t look to myself for strength.

It’s days like these that I remember that Jesus is so good to forgive me everything I have done and will do.

I have failed myself. I have failed and hurt some people. Again. I’m facing the consequences and there is no one I can hold on to but Jesus. I thank Him for accepting me at times like this. Knowing that I’m not a lost cause, that He can still change me, and He has long forgiven me, keeps me going.

And today, I decided to keep going. I have failed many times, that’s not new. And I still will in the future. I’m young and imperfect. Though, I pray they be less and less until they are no more.

It’s not a matter of how many times you fall, it’s whether you get back up every time. And I choose to rise up from this mess I’ve created. I choose to move forward and trust that Jesus will lead me on. That’s all for today.

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