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I’m going to express my year 2016 in a song that was not written by me. I would have written my own but this one already tells everything I have to say.
My 2016 song talks of Jesus’ love that’s sweeter than wine. I haven’t tasted wine so I really don’t understand that comparison. I have, however, tasted honey :p and I get the point. Anyway, this song perfectly defines my year, which happens to be, the best year of my entire life yet.
Before the earth’s creation
You knew me as I was
And even then You chose me to be Yours
I am captivated by Your unending love
Lord, my heart’s surrendered to Your grace
I have known about God since I was 15 and have believed that He existed since then. I was, however, fully aware of how incapable I am of becoming the person God called me to be. I have tried and tried for a decade but it only left me exhausted and frustrated, at myself and everyone else who tried to steer me back to a God that demands something I could not produce. I never understood why people kept trying. I was hopeless. I knew God is great, but I was not and was not worthy to even call upon His Name.
2015 was supposedly the worst year of my life, but towards the end of the year, Jesus’ search for me in the jungle of doubt and confusion, became as clear as the morning sky. And He found me. He found the spot in my heart that was not yet penetrated by His Word, the area of my life that never understood, the eyes of my soul that were blind. He conquered and is victorious in setting me free.
For the first time, I understood what real grace is, the inspiration behind John Newton’s penning of “Amazing Grace.” How all my theology went down the drain and I understood what John 9:25 felt like: He answered, “Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.”
Lord, I am Your treasure
The apple of Your eye
Forever I am precious in Your sight
Never will You leave me
I’m safe and secure
Forever in Your arms I will abide
This year, I have experienced Jesus, not just as a Saviour, but a personal Saviour. I spent the last few months of 2015 just letting everything sink in. It was at the start of this year that I started to really see with my wide-eyed wonder what it’s like to be loved unconditionally and just how much Jesus cares for me more than my peanut brain can ever comprehend; more than my heart of flesh can ever want to be cared for.
The bridge and chorus perfectly capture all that was left for me to do in response to His – no other words can ever really describe – love – a very rich word, acceptance, protection, forgiveness, mercy, unconditional love, favour, joy unspeakable.
And I can’t help
But to lift my voice and say
Your love is better than life
Sweeter than wine
It’s more than I can ever imagine
Your love is all that I need
So Lord, I receive
Your lovingkindness and grace for me
Not so long ago, whenever I was under stressed or sad, or just affected by my circumstances, my evil attitude and really bad character would always leak out of me like toxic waste, poisoning myself and the people around me. After encountering Jesus as the King (Matthew), a servant (Mark), a man (Luke), the Son of God (John), I’m finding that my circumstances have become even harder, but it’s becoming easier and easier to trust Him – knowing how fully capable He is – and keep on living and enjoying life as it passes me by, knowing that He is the captain of my soul, and taking care of the waves trying to come at me from all directions.
Of course, I’m still human and still have fears that I haven’t overcome yet, but, somehow, I know it will be alright. To be honest, there’s only one thing I have left to do before I’m ready to leave this world. That is to share the real Jesus to my family and to the people I love. I don’t think Jesus will be able to reach all of them through me (alone), but God knows where I will be effective and He has it all planned out. Now that I think about it, I’m really only living to see God’s goodness manifest in my life, for others to see and also encounter the real Saviour. Just thinking about it de-stresses me. xD
Gone are all the regrets of the past and the worries of tomorrow. The joy of today is here to stay.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Philippians 3:12
Rejoice is in the Lord, always!